Category Archives for funny

#upgoer5: Putting Things On The Face Book

Some friends were doing an #upgoer5 meme, explaining one’s profession using only the “ten hundred” most-used English words (inspired by xkcd). So I did too.

“I work for a school, putting things that parents and teachers need to know up on the computer so they can find it out. I also take pictures and moving pictures to show parents what fun things their kids do in school, or sometimes I write about things that are going on in the school. Then I share those stories and pictures on the computer, such as on the Face Book. And sometimes I help make pretty paper things that we send out to the houses of parents and friends of the school, so that they will like us and send us money.”

Crossposted from Dreamwidth.

Nautical Man (or, T.M.B. Pinafore)

So, as mentioned yesterday, I have been digging through old documents in the process of overhauling/updating my website, and one more thing I turned up was my Fall 2001 Pinafore filk:

Nautical Man (or, T.M.B. Pinafore)
to the tune of “Particle Man” (They Might Be Giants, Flood)

Nautical Man, Nautical Man,
Smartest lad in the Royal “N”.
What’s he like?
A pining tenor,
Nautical Man.
Is he a slave or an Englishman?
Can he dance a hornpipe or lead the band?
Will Josephine marry a foremast hand?
Nobody knows,
Nautical Man.

Triangle Man, Triangle Man,
Triangle Man hates Nautical Man.
They have a fight:
Man overboard,
Triangle Man.

[HORNPIPE BREAK!]

Admiral Man, Admiral Man,
Ego the size of the universe man;
Usually kind to smaller man,
Admiral Man.
Articled clerk turned K.C.B.,
Knew better than to go to sea,
So now he rules the Queen’s Na-vee,
Powerful man,
Admiral Man.

Captain Man, Captain Man
Exchanged at birth with Nautical Man,
Offering up his daughter’s hand,
Captain Man.
Com-for-tably in the bourgeoisie,
Hardly ever gets sick at sea;
But then he uses that big, big D —
Berated man, Captain Man.

Nautical Man, Nautical Man
Suddenly finds he’s Captain Man;
Blissful refrains,
For he remains
An Englishman!

[HORNPIPE BREAK!]

Lox is the Jewish bacon

Nothing like working a 12-hour day… on a fast day (yesterday). I think it makes up for all the slacking I was doing coming in well after 10am for the past, like, two months while my various shows were going up. I also fear there are a lot more of these in store for me this July, due to a major new work project… and that I’m going to earn every penny of my recent “official” promotion, not to mention my week’s vacation in early August. Whew.

Anyway, so before I run off this morning, I bring you a Compare and Contrast:

Mmm… Lox Bacon
Salty Yep Yep
Smoky Yep Yep
Rich (oily) Yep Yep
Delicious Yep Yep
Protein source Yep Yep
Classic breakfast staple Yep Yep
Featured in fancy hors d’oeuvres Yep Yep
Texture Silky Crunchy
Fat content High in omega-3’s High in saturated fat
Kashrut Fins and scales “tameh hu lachem“
(unclean for you; Leviticus 11:7)

Conclusion: Lox is the Jewish bacon.

I Enjoy Being A Geek

In the department of “stop me before I volunteer again,” I am officially blowing off a Shabbaton planning meeting at shul tonight in order to go see Juno with ablock (7:20pm at the Somerville). Go me!

I am also thinking, as I sit here munching on wasabi peas, that I should write a filk of “Burning Down the House” called “Eating Down the Chametz“. ‘Tis the season.

This reminds me that I never posted the song I wrote (with help from Tiger Boy) for this year’s Purimshpiel, to great popular acclaim: “I Enjoy Being A Geek”. (If you’ve never heard the original, it’s here; whether you have or not, you might enjoy this version.)

INTRO:
I’m a geek, and by me that’s only great!
I am proud that my glasses are like bottles,
And I’m longing to find a Jewish mate
For a love that’s like Tzeitel’s and like Motel’s.

I can charm you with scholarly discourse,
I can quote you from Torah or rabbinics,
But you ask me about religious wars,
And I’ll start explaining Windows, Mac, and Linux!

VERSES:
I’m hooked on the Sci-Fi Network,
I can read twenty books a week,
I love playing Fluxxx or Settlers
I enjoy being a geek!

I have a degree in physics
I think cloaks are the height of chic
Every summer I go to Pennsic [note: this line did not garner a single laugh, I was shocked]
I enjoy being a geek!

BRIDGE:
I own every episode of Buffy,
The Lord of the Rings was really great,
I stayed up all night for Harry Potter —
How I wish there would be a volume number 8!

VERSE:
From Vericon to Arisia
I have looked all around to see
Whether somewhere in Cantabrigia
There’s a boy who would enjoy
Having a geek like me!

(My character in the ‘shpiel was Esther the Second Gabbai… with a cameo by Tiger Boy as the Nice Jewish Boy who comes in as the tenth for minyan and sweeps her off her feet for a happy ending. Awww.)

Oh man…

1. Font geeking galore: TypeCon 2005 in NYC, 2 weeks hence! Wonder if I could talk my boss into letting me go??? “It’s professionally necessary, I swear…”

2. Klingon Klezmer: “Jewish music from other planets”!
(katyam had sent me a nice link to ALEPH‘s cantorial ordination program, which I finally looked at, and the director of the program plays in this band. And no — his name is not “Ka-PLAhhhN!”. Oy vey!)

In which I am easily amused

1. For all you information goddesses out there: A Library Musical!

2. This morning I am building myself a small FileMaker database* (to track my archive materials and submissions). And in mucking around with the tools, I have discovered that you can create a button and assign to it, as its only function, “Beep”. And you can put text on the button that says, simply, “Beep!” And then when you go back to Browse mode, every one of your records has a little button on it that says “Beep!”, and if you click it, it goes, “Beep!”

* While I’m on the topic: Is there any way to set text fields to default to a specific entry on a value list, when a new record is created? I.e., to start with the first radio button selected, instead of my having to manually select it in four different fields for each new record?

[EDIT:] 3. I just had to e-mail someone the fonts for a book jacket. The three font names were Ean, Kievit, and Therm. If those aren’t the names of a trio of space aliens (or possibly Muppets), I don’t know what is.